Desperate mothers marching through the night on the verge of collapse with a crying newborn in their arms. Added to this is the remorse they failed in their mothers’ role. And that the suffering will never end.
Many new mothers experience such situations; the good news is they have solutions. It would be worse if a small baby did not cry – the absence of crying can mean a problem somewhere.
Usually, moms call me asking for breastfeeding advice. It is logical – when a child is restless and crying, he does not drink well or gain much weight. The pediatrician does not like this, and a problem arises. A problem that is hidden behind breastfeeding, and the mother cannot name it.
When I think about it, moms usually don’t see excessive crying and sleepless babies as a problem. They state this but feel they must suffer until the child grows out of it. Even classic books on motherhood and newborn care won’t help. They state that children suffer from bloating and sometimes sleep poorly, but they do not offer advice. Then mom will be all the more surprised that there is a solution.”
Improper Procedures?
Mothers sometimes (also thanks to the influence of their mothers or grandmothers) feel that they cannot spoil their children right from the start. That it’s inappropriate to take a newborn to bed (I’ll lay him down, he’ll want to sleep with me until he’s an adult, etc.) and cause himself even bigger problems in the future. “But when else to cuddle a baby then when it’s still very tiny? When must he adapt to the outside world and feel safe and his mother’s love?
Fourth Trimester
” Sometimes, the mother does not fully understand the baby’s signals. Sometimes the signals are so weak that it can be too difficult for an inexperienced mom to detect them,” warns the doula.
Restlessness has much to do with the overall overload of the newborn’s nervous system. The author of interesting children’s books Harvey Karp (The Happiest Baby Around, The Happiest Toddler Around), has a term for the first three months of life, the “fourth trimester.” They claim that children are born too immature, and many perceptions of the surrounding world overload them. However, they are equipped with several reflexes to cope with it. They include crying when everything is too much.
Educational toys, colors, and sounds all disturb the baby if we do not respect its limits and the degree to which it is bearable. In the first weeks of life, the baby mainly needs to sleep and sleep. When it cannot, a tired organism paradoxically behaves as if it were interested in everything around it. Fights fatigue with activity. And finally, she cries and cries and cries. Crying children sleep poorly even at night; that’s another paradox.
A Child as a Barometer
The child experiences an intense feeling that he wants to return to the place where he was comfortable – to the mother in the womb. Let’s help him, and he will be satisfied. By wrapping it in swaddling cloth, immobilizing it (it looks scary, but the reflex throwing of the arms scares the baby, wakes it up, and there is a reason to cry again), tying it in a scarf on the belly, holding it, rock it, kangaroo it (in the position of the bottom pressed against the mother’s belly with the legs), take him to bed with you – mom’s proximity will calm him down.
Remember that your response to your baby’s crying is important, encouraging, and a clear signal that he is safe. A newborn’s cry is a means of communication intended to develop the parents’ ability to respond empathetically to the child’s demands. From another point of view, it is the first parenting test: crying is exhausting and stressful, and parents must learn to deal with it appropriately, to distinguish “types of crying” to know what specifically is bothering their baby.
When a child cries, he always communicates something and calls for help, so responding to his crying with kindness and love is most important.
“The mother’s internal setting is also important – when she is desperate, unhappy from crying, and doesn’t trust herself, the child feels it. Children are great barometers! Then you can rock and hold for three hours and still cry.
In short, a child needs security, a calm, caring person who will hold him tightly in his arms and give him self-confidence. And it should be a self-confident mother, sure of her care. It will give your baby confidence as well.’
